What’s Your Damage?: Greetings from The B*tch Squad

Riffs From The Dork Side

We had the fun idea to do a Mean Girls Three-ture Feature. Join us for day one, where we discuss the ultimate 80’s Mean Girls: Heathers!

**Disclaimer** There might be offensive language.

Lauren: Go! And we have the original Mean Girls…

Becky: Mean Girls is like a G-Rated version of this movie. Red scrunchie.

Lauren: I love Que Sera Sera

Becky: I miss scrunchies.

Lauren: Me too! Though they are making a comeback. Ah the croquet scene

Becky: They didn’t break as much as rubber bands do!

Lauren: Lol True!

Becky: I always think of these three as weird for wearing suits and blazers. I mean it was the 80’s, but still.

Lauren: I like the girl in yellow’s outfit

Becky: Yeah. That’s timeless. The other two, not so much.

Lauren: Lol seriously. What is your damage, Heather?

Becky: Those are some massive shoulder pads.

Lauren: Just what I was thinking…

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What’s Your Damage?: Greetings from The B*tch Squad

We had the fun idea to do a Mean Girls Three-ture Feature. Join us for day one, where we discuss the ultimate 80’s Mean Girls: Heathers!

**Disclaimer** There might be offensive language.

Lauren: Go! And we have the original Mean Girls…

Becky: Mean Girls is like a G-Rated version of this movie. Red scrunchie.

Lauren: I love Que Sera Sera

Becky: I miss scrunchies.

Lauren: Me too! Though they are making a comeback. Ah the croquet scene

Becky: They didn’t break as much as rubber bands do!

Lauren: Lol True!

Becky: I always think of these three as weird for wearing suits and blazers. I mean it was the 80’s, but still.

Lauren: I like the girl in yellow’s outfit

Becky: Yeah. That’s timeless. The other two, not so much.

Lauren: Lol seriously. What is your damage, Heather?

Becky: Those are some massive shoulder pads.

Lauren: Just what I was thinking lol She looks like a linebacker

Becky: Poor Martha.

Lauren: Right? How does which Heather know who’s being addressed?

Becky: It’s a gift.

Lauren: Lol

Becky: I seriously want to match the Heathers to the Plastics.

Lauren: We should. Young Christian Slater is cute. Crazy. But cute.

Becky: Obviously Veronica is Cady, and Heather Chandler (Red) is Regina. I think Shannon Doherty is Gretchen Weiners, and the other is Karen.

Lauren: I miss Peak Winona Ryder. Yep. Agreed. Love that insult!!!!! F*** me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Chain Saw

Becky: I don’t think I could be that arrogant. It’s almost painful to see how out of touch she is.

Lauren: Ugh. Why is Veronica friends with them?

Becky: There’s a musical version, and the first song, “Beautiful,” describes that she just wanted to be off everyone else’s radar. They took her on because of her handwriting gift, and because she has a very symmetrical face.

Lauren: I need to listen to that.

Becky: Poor Martha.

Lauren: Aw poor girl, indeed. Ah, but you never had a heart, Heather.

Becky: I think I might’ve had a shirt or something like Veronica’s blazer. Christian Slater was kind of cute back in the day.

Lauren: I kind of like it

Becky: I was agreeing with you. Late.

Lauren: Indeed

Becky: The jock on the left was such a sweetie on Little House on the Prairie.

Patrick Labyorteaux Little House on the Prairie

Lauren: Dear Lord!!! I forgot about that scene! Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? And Heather Chandler is way worse than Regina George.

Becky: Oooooooooh. She makes Regina George look like Mother Theresa!

Lauren: Seriously!!! (Nice tie-in )

Becky: *bows*

Lauren: I love that they all have their own colors. Are those her parents? Veronica’s?

Becky: I think they must be.

Lauren: Okay cool

Becky: I’d totally wear Veronica’s party dress.

Lauren: Me too! It’s very cute.

Becky: JD reminds me of someone. No idea who.

Lauren: He reminds me a tiny bit of a young Jack Nicholson.

Becky: I think that’s it. Too bad his career didn’t pan out like Jack’s.

Lauren: Yeah. I actually like Heather’s dress too.

Becky: She’s wearing a monocle! It is pretty.

Lauren: Haha! She is!

Becky: Veronica was US at parties. lol

Lauren: Lol seriously!!

Becky: Alcohol! Flammable!

Lauren: Uh oh. This will not end well. Eew. What is his PROBLEM? Perv.

Becky: He’s a crummy college guy. And he DOESN’T deserve her effing speech!

Lauren: Indeed!

Becky: She got her into a Remington party, but it didn’t look fun, at all.

Lauren: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. Right? Damn, knock much, dude?

Becky: He knocked something.

Lauren: *purrs*

Becky: Those two practically glow in the dark.

Lauren: Totally! Ah the life of a pale person.

Becky: lol It’s the reason she got cast as Lydia in Beetlejuice.

Lauren: Indeed I love her as Lydia.

Becky: “Stuff will kill her.” He looks at her like, “Duh.”

Lauren: Lol “that’s what you wanted, Veronica…” Whoops.

Becky: And there Veronica goes… And she drinks it because he calls her Chicken.

Lauren: Yep. Hubris was her downfall. And corn nuts were her last words.

Becky: She and we have very different ideas of what a Best Friend is, don’t you think?

Lauren: Frenemies before the word was coined. And yes, indeed.

Becky: Yep.

Lauren: Thank GOD.

Becky: She has Cliffs Notes of The Bell Jar. Hmm.

Lauren: Yep…

Becky: Do you think JD knew about “Myriad,” and started planning Heather’s Downfall long before this? It’s a conspiracy theory, but it’s a theory.

Lauren: Very good point. Lol their mascot is the Rottweiler.

Becky: Oh, Swatches.

Lauren: Heather (Shannon Dohetry’s) outfit is cute. So is Veronica’s.

Becky: I think this teacher is on the right track, but she’s just such a space cadet. How did she get that note?

Lauren : Yeah…oh boy. ️I don’t know. Creepy.

Becky: People always start talking well of people when they die.

Lauren: Yep. Because it would be inappropriate if they did, I guess. Effed up family there.

Becky: JD and his dad?

Lauren: Yeah.

Becky: He was on Beetlejuice!!!!

Lauren: Love that they used red not only because it’s a power color, but also because it can be associated with the Devil(which Heather Chandler was). And yep he was. I wanna watch Beetlejuice now.

Becky: OMG. Super insightful! She was totally the devil.

Lauren: And Shannon Dohrety was in green which is associated with jealousy

Becky: What’s yellow associated with?

Lauren: Just thinking about that. Not sure. But Veronica’s always kind of in unique clothes because she doesn’t quite fit in.

Becky: Yeah. Yellow Heather is the tolerable one.

Lauren: Oh tipping cows. Yeah. She really is the Karen.

Becky: They are really going at it in a field. I hope she wasn’t fond of that outfit.

Lauren: Lol right? Did he kill people in other states too?

Becky: I’m guessing he did.

Lauren: Yeah…wouldn’t be surprised.

Becky: Maybe THAT’S why they move so often!

Lauren: Hmmmm…Wow.

Becky: Ah, high school gossip. I don’t miss it.

Lauren: Seriously. Those jerks.

Becky: “Ich Lüge” bullets, huh?

Lauren: Liar!

Becky: And she’s falling for it!

Lauren: She’s hearing what she wants to hear.

Becky: She totally is. She’s such an idiot.

Lauren: Yeah.

Becky: It’s sad what they’re there to do (The Jocks).

Lauren: Yeah seriously. Damn. He’s crazy as hell.

Becky: And then it turns terrifying. It’s like those girls who lured their classmate to the woods so the Slim Man wouldn’t hurt their families.

Lauren: Seriously. I never really found this movie all that funny. I know it’s a supposed to be a dark comedy, but dear lord. Another good one to watch would be Jawbreaker.

Becky: It has its moments early on , but it definitely turns dark, fast.

Lauren: That’s a crazy movie!

Becky: Is that one on Netflix? I don’t own it, but I love it.

Lauren: Yeah agreed!! I don’t think it is, and I do too.

Becky: He was right about the mineral water and Small Town Ohio.

Lauren: Run away, Veronica.

Becky: Did he just light his cigarette on her HAND?!

Lauren: What the HELL?

Becky: I think these funerals are even sadder because they’re not what they seem. Did you see the little sister?

Lauren: Ha! Her drawer pulls are awesome. And yeah, I agree. Do you think JD latches on to an impressionable girl in each school that he goes to and manipulates her to his whims?

Becky: Green Heather is in Yellow? The world has turned topsy. And I think he totally does.

Lauren: Right?

Becky: I wonder if he waits for them to commit suicide.

Lauren: The girls he manipulates?

Becky: Yeah.

Lauren: Hmm…not sure. Maybe? Oh maybe he just convinced them to?

Becky: Probably. They probably felt like hell afterward.

Lauren: Yeah. Quite right to.

Becky: “Do you like your father?” “I’ve never given the matter much thought.” Wow…. You go, Girl!

Lauren: Yes!! Oh dear. He’s insane.

Becky: Heather and Martha used to be friends. It’s amazing what junior high and high school cliques do to people.

Lauren: Right? He needs to find a new hobby.

Becky: It just occurred to me that Green Heather and one of the jocks (the first one killed) were BOTH on Little House on the Prairie. And this IS his hobby.

Lauren: Betty and Veronica lol

Becky: People are so hung up on virginity in teen movies. Get over it. It’s no one’s business but your own, and you deserve to wait for someone who loves you. *gets off soap box*

Lauren: Agreed. And now Green Heather is wearing red.

Becky: She’s the new Devil.

Lauren: Indeed! Oh no. This is the part I always stopped watching at before.

Becky: Keep going. You can make it through! I love her mother. Heather is so cold. People don’t listen to the radio for fun anymore.

Lauren: And the takeover is complete.

Becky: I think she’s out-heathering Heather.

Lauren: I love Heather’s outfit though. And yes, she is.

Becky: There is WAY too much attitude in this movie.

Lauren: He’s like a fungus. You can’t cut it out.

Becky: Plus, he’s always all over her.

Lauren: He’s like Overly Attached Boyfriend. What. The. Hell? Is that supposed to be her?

Becky: Messed. In. The. Head.

Lauren: Holy. Shit.

Becky: You say potato, I say vodka.

Lauren: Lol right?

Becky: Because this movie couldn’t get darker.

Lauren: Why is she with him to do this?! Leave!!!! Call the police!!!!!

Becky: I think there’s a lot more interest in forensics of suicides now.

Lauren: Oh my GOD. This isn’t going to stop until he gets in to prison or gets killed. And yeah. You’re right.

Becky: That’s a lot of 3D glasses.

Lauren: Right? Oh did he not go into her room?

Becky: It was all a dream!

Lauren: I know.

Becky: lol. It’s probably good that our movies get lighter as the weekend will go on.

Lauren: Is she really dead? And yes. What is his damage?!

Becky: I miss watching movies with you.

Lauren: Me too.

Becky: Watch….

Lauren: Dear Lord. This is the darkest movie ever.

Becky: I’m sorry. That was kind of funny. “Why so tense?”

Lauren: Lol It kind was. Harold and Maude is one of my favorite movies. That movie is also dark and filled with fake suicide attempts.

Becky: I’ve only seen it once. Wasn’t crazy about it. I’d watch it again for you, though. This guy is the reason that metal detectors were invented.

Lauren: We should watch that one together. It’s very, very dark and weird. But it’s also very funny. A true dark comedy. And yeah. Seriously! Girl, arm yourself before you go after him! At least with a shoe or a book or something. Pep rally. Holy heck.

Becky: I don’t miss pep rallies.

Lauren: Where did she get that gun? And me neither. Too much pep. Crap on a spatula.

Becky: If I had to choose between a pep rally and algebra, algebra would win out every time. Not just because I liked Math for one year of high school.

Lauren: Lol I hated math, so pep rally would win, but it would be a close call. The only good thing was that it got me out of class.

Becky: Too many people. So NOW she’s armed.

Lauren: Does that girl not see the dynamite where she’s smoking?!

Becky: Nope.

Lauren: Common sense is NOT so common.

Becky: Too baked.

Lauren: I guess so.

Becky: I’m trying to figure out if he’s into her, or he wants to kill her.

Lauren: Both? Was Yellow Heather wearing glasses and sitting with Betty?

Becky: It must be a pre-Christian Grey thing. I think so.

Lauren: Yeah. I guess so. Did he kill Green Heather? I know it was a dream, but did he do it regardless?

Becky: No. She was sitting on the bleachers.

Lauren: Ah okay. Wow. That escalated quickly.

Becky: Yes. Yes, it did.

Lauren: Lol

Becky: And the school was none the wiser.

Lauren: What!!!!!!!! Motherf*er!!! Son of biscuit!

Becky: Gotta say, I’m LOVING your reaction to this. LOL

Lauren: Lol. Eeeeeeeeepppppp. Holy. Crap.

Becky: Full marks for tension effort, right?

Lauren: Pretty much. Just froze again

Becky: Her date for the prom FLAMED out on her.

Lauren: Ugh. Haha yay it’s back. And yay for benevolent leadership

Becky: Intense, huh? You made it through!

(Basically Lauren after watching Heathers for the first time)

Lauren: Uh huh. Lol I have you to thank for that.

Becky: You feeling okay? lol

Lauren: And I’m glad that I finally watched it all the way through, but I’m not sure I’d watch it again.

Becky: I’ve watched it twice now. It gets really intense there in the middle.

Lauren: Lol yeah I’m fine

Becky: But, now you don’t HAVE to watch it again. lol

Lauren: It really does!!

Becky: I actually kind of like this movie because it is so intense.

A is for Awesome! The Dorks Discuss “Easy A”

Lauren: And here we go!
Becky: I love how they do the opening credits.
Lauren: I gotta pocket full of sunshine!!!!


Becky: lol. Like they’re integrated into the scene.
Lauren: Yep it’s awesome. I love the music for this movie
Becky: “Of sound mind and average breast size.” LOL
Lauren: Below average breast size!! Lol Haha!! I love the chapters

Becky: Thomas Hayden Church is awesome in this movie. I had a hard time liking him after “George of the Jungle.”
Lauren: I love him! Go hit the books! They don’t hit back!
Becky: I’m so thankful my family isn’t like then when we camp. Patchouli Burgers and Bong hits for dessert.No such thing as a Sexy George.


Lauren: Um!!!! George Clooney!
Becky: lol
Lauren: Her dog is adorable!
Becky: He is. Girls never talked like this in my school.
Lauren: Sexy glade candles…
Becky: And Amanda Bynes gives Christian teens a bad name.
Lauren: Haha!! Yeah girls were way less witty…except us
Becky: Totally.
Lauren: Ah Penn Badgley…cutie
Becky: God bless him, he tries to make Woodchucks cool.
Lauren: Haha!! So true!
Becky: That’s my Favorite Title card.


Lauren: I love that title card too!
Becky: I’m also thankful that only a select few had cell phones when I was in high school, and they could only call people and occasionally play games. Aaaaaaaand I’m dating myself….
Lauren: Haha!! Science-Fiction and refused to go. I love Emma Stone! She’s so witty.
Becky: Oh, Maryann. There’s a thing called respecting other people’s beliefs, which even Christians should adhere to.
Lauren: Right?! I love her parents.
Becky: They’re amazing. And similar to my parents. I love this part. WHO TOLD YOU?!


Lauren: Haha!!! Just what I was thinking!
Becky: I love her early wardrobe in this movie. Appropriately modest.
Lauren: Indeed
Becky: Where was he when I had to read The Scarlet Letter? We just watched a dramatization of it starring the dad from Home Alone. Thankfully we weren’t forced to watch the Demi Moore monstrosity.


Lauren: We never read it.
Becky: That escalated quickly….
Lauren: Sweet! I love it!
Becky: I love this sound track. I used to have it.
Lauren: Nice Anchorman reference, btw…the music is great.
Becky: It’s amazeballs. Used to be my workout jam. And thank you!
Lauren: Malcolm McDowell is a great choice for principal
Becky: He’s a daunting guy without a visible good side.
Lauren: Yep. Oh my God!!!! The illusion is shattered!
Becky: Penn Badgley and Emma Stone have great banter in this.
Lauren: Yeah they do!
Becky: “I worry about the way information circulates in this school…” Me too, Olive. Me too.


Lauren: Yep me too.
Becky: I had that friend, did you? Rhiannon is all talk and she just won’t shut up!
Lauren: Yeah…and pretty self righteous…Spell it with your peas!!! I will accept that challenge!!!
Becky: T…t…t…t… OMG! These two crack me up! Tallywacker. LOL
Lauren: You can see where she got her wit. I love that word!


Becky: They can’t even come up with a good punishment. I relate with not having a good reason to have dating taken away. I got my car taken away once.
Lauren: So true.


Becky: “Where you from, originally?” OMG! I love you, Stanley Tucci!
Lauren: Aw Brandon…he’s adorable.
Becky: I never had detention, but I don’t think they made you clean.
Lauren: Hence the budget cuts lol
Becky: No, Maryann IS just a stuck up Jesus Freak and forgiving Christians won’t associate with her. Gossip girl of the Sweet Valley in the Traveling Pants.
Lauren: Just typing that!!!!!! Great minds.
Becky: I win! A Lady’s Choice and a Gentleman’s Agreement. Love Mrs. Pendergast.
Lauren: There’s a whole jar in the fridge
Becky: “OH happy day, Mama! Now I won’t have to spend my dowry on pills and booze to get me through the long nights!”
Lauren: Kinsey 6 Gay…
Becky: Everything in this movie escalates quickly. It went from a date invite to a sex invite in 20 seconds. Crazy town, California!
Lauren: Totally!
Becky: He’s not wrong. No matter who you are, gay straight, whatever, high school students suck hardcore.
Lauren: Yeah…
Becky: I don’t understand what happens that makes kids think it’s okay to treat people poorly.
Lauren: I love their fake sex scene.
Becky: I didn’t know about any parties like this in my town. John Hughes lied.


Lauren: Lol I didn’t either, but  I wasn’t really invited to any parties in high school
Becky: Me either. Brave girl, letting two people use her room for “hearing that funny thing.” *ahem* I’m protective of my bedroom.
Lauren: Right?!
Becky: Neither of them knows what they’re doing. So awkward.
Lauren: Haha!!! That’s what makes it so funny!


Becky: He’s the only one who appreciates her efforts. The rest are all douchey.
Lauren: Indeed.
Becky: I don’t think all of my classmates were this jerky, either.
Lauren: Such a double standard. Todd’s awesome.
Becky: It really is. No wonder women think all men are pigs. He is. He’s cuter than a monkey with a puppy.
Lauren: Indeed. Judy Blume should have prepared me for that.
Becky: Dyed in the wool homosexual that boy….This present seemed awkwardly inappropriate.
Lauren: Haha!! Right?! So funny! And that is a gigantic vibrator. Like DAMN.
Becky: “Bad Reputation” is quite the apropos song. I’m amazed they didn’t make her go home with her new wardrobe.
Lauren: Totally! And it always reminds me of Freaks and Geeks
Becky: Yes!
Lauren: Love this song!
Becky: Love this song. So inappropriate, though! Great beat, though.
Lauren: Totally.
Becky: Seriously. She’s wearing a corset from Victoria’s Secret without an actual shirt, and they’re not making her go home?! What kind of school is this?!
Lauren: Yeah…though I had girls wear some fairly inappropriate stuff in my school…
Whale tails… *headdesk*
Becky: The only good person there is her English Teacher. Acting responsible.
Lauren: Exactly.
Becky: Oh, we had whale tails. That was an awkward moment in teen fashion history.
Lauren: It really was. That and frosted tips…
Becky: Guy in the green striped shirt looks like a young John Cusack.
Lauren: I can see it!


Becky: I’m never embarassed being a Christian, but these people make me want to duck away and pretend we have different religions. Damn, Penn Badgely’s adorable!
Lauren: He really is. So why does she have an A on her wardrobe? I know it’s a take off on the Scarlet Letter…but A’s for Adultery.
Becky: She’s too nice to poor saps.
Lauren: Yeah she is…
Becky: A is for AWESOME! Remember? lol But seriously, I think she’s just doing solidarity.


Lauren: Hahaha!!! Well played.
Becky: *bows* That movie that’s playing at the Foreign Movie theater is “The Scarlet Letter.”
Lauren: That’s awesome! Loved ’80’s teen movies.
Becky: Every Girl wants John Cusack with a Boom Box and Patrick Dempsey on a Lawn Mower.
Lauren: YES.
Becky: Side note: BBW stopped selling Juniper Breeze in stores before this movie came out.
Lauren: Haha!! So true!!!!! They aren’t all diamonds….hehe!
Becky: “If I read one more paper from one of your classmates on if she’s still married to Ashton Kutcher…” HAHA! Sam and I watched that version for kicks, and we were totally disturbed by it.
Lauren: How hot she looks in the bathtub!! Lol! I have never seen it…what’s so bad about it?! It’s a gateway knife…
Becky: There isn’t time enough in this world to tell you how terrible it is, but the long and short of it is that Demi Moore said that they could change the entire story and message because no one had ever read the book. Except the majority of eleventh grade students in the country! It’s mandatory for a lot of public schools!


Lauren: What?! Blasphemy! Yeah…kind of wish I’d read it…
Becky: Still time. And free on Kindle.
Lauren: Oh man. Lisa Kudrow’s such a bitch in this movie.:
Becky: Here. This is why the movie is so terrible. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114345/trivia?ref_=tt_trv_trv
She’s no Phoebe Buffay, that’s for sure! “If God had wanted him to graduate.” Good grief, I want to slap her!
Lauren: Lol I think that’s kind of the point…
Becky: I know, but it still kills me. Now, is this the movie that jump started Amanda Bynes trip to Crazytown?
Lauren: Hmmm…good question…*headdesk*
Becky: Cam Gigadet is ridiculous. And melodramatic. Much like in “Twilight.” President of the Americas…
Lauren: Haha!!! Just typing that too!!! Great minds, man.
Becky: Mojo across the states…
Lauren: Truth.


Becky: Irony of Ironies: Everyone in this movie is a bigger slut than Olive.
Lauren: Exactly. Poor girl. The Quizno’s guy is hysterical…
Becky: Not now, Quiznos!
Lauren: Her parents, English teacher, and Todd are the only people who actually care.
Becky: And who aren’t fifty shades of Cray cray.
Lauren: Exactly. Damn. She has the worst luck!
Becky: I feel like in movies, they forget that one of Jesus’ close friends was Mary Magdalene, who was a reformed prostitute.
Lauren: Indeed.
Becky: Movie night at their house looks fun.
Lauren: Right?! Every night at their house looks fun…Too bad he doesn’t turn out to be a gentleman.
Becky: I hate this part. Awkward dinner followed by total prat.
Lauren: Yep…but then Todd comes to the rescue


Becky: Yes, Olive. You’re talking too much!
Lauren: Yep…I really want Red Lobster now.
Becky: I want their cheddar biscuits.
Lauren: Right?!
Becky: Heartbreaking. She should’ve kneed him in the groin.
Lauren: Totally. Man. Rhiannon is NOT a good friend.
Becky: She’s really not. She calls Olive a Bitch at the start of the movie, and even Olive calls her out on it.
Lauren: Awww…her and Todd are the cutest.


Becky: I haven’t overnalyzed it like you’re about to. So right. They’re ultimate soulmates. I think they’ll be happy forever, fictional characters they are.

Lauren: Indeed…Huck Finn..haha! Love it.
Becky: My apologies to Mark Twain.
Lauren: Right?!
Becky: That’s not Phoebe. That’s Ursula. Horrible woman.
Lauren: Indeed. Yep. I want to slap her.
Becky: Poor Mr. Griffith.
Lauren: I KNOW. TMI!!!
Becky: Her parents are characters, but they’re honest and supportive, which is awesome.
Lauren: Exactly.
Becky: They so would’ve expelled her at my school. But this is Iowa. God-fearing corn and pig farmers. LOL
Lauren: Haha!!!
Becky: Incidentally, it occurs to me that my antagonist in my book is totally Rhiannon.
Lauren: Love this scene!!!!!


Becky: Think this Vlog could double as her Scarlet Letter project?
Lauren: Oh totally!!!! She should get extra credit!!!!!
Becky: Everyone in that town is a pervert. Or at least the teenagers and hypocritical ministers.
Lauren: Oh pretty much. Good choice of movie
Becky: Very much so. A lot shorter than I recalled, but still amazing.
Lauren: Absolutely

Doomed to Blindness: Conversations on Jane Austen’s “Emma”

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 Source

 Lauren: okay ready betty!

Becky: This movie is almost 20 years old. The 90’s do NOT seem that long ago!
Lauren: i really love the opening credits! i can’t believe that it’s that old.
Becky: It hasn’t aged at all. Period pieces rarely do. Especially awesome ones like this.
Lauren: Yes indeed!!! Hard to believe it came out only a year after Clueless…
Becky: Mr. Woodhouse is so cute, but his hypochondriac persona would get old so fast. Emma is so much more excited to see Mr. Knightley than Cher ever was to see Josh.
Lauren: Very true…I swear this is one of those movies that you watch for everyone but Gwyenth Paltrow
Becky: Totally is! I watch because Jeremy Northam has a dreamy smile. Casting perfection.

Dreamy Smile

Lauren: I KNOW!
Becky: He’s supposed to be 18 years older than her. And yet their relationship works.
Lauren: He’s MY Mr. Knightley
Becky: lol
Lauren: Yeah their relationship really does. He’s definitely my favorite Austen man. But there are so many to choose from
Becky: I honestly think I like them all almost equally. But it’s a tie between him and Darcy.
Lauren: I love that he calls her out
Becky: Dang. Mr. Elton is SUCH a sycophantic suck up. *barfs* I actually kind of like Miss Bates. She’s a lonely lady with a deaf mother. She’s sweet.

Mrs. and Miss Bates as portrayed by Phyllida Law and Sophie Thompson, mother and sister of Emma Thompson

Lauren: I don’t understand how she didn’t see how Elton was into her. She is  ‘doomed to blindness’ #austenquoteforthewin
Becky: Nice. 🙂 Robert and Harriet are cute. I don’t care what Emma thinks.

Just keep ignoring Emma….

Lauren: They are adorable together. Emma’s a snob though. I want her outdoor tent.
Becky: I do, too.
Lauren: I love this locale too…God bless, Knightley. He keeps her humble. HAHA!
Becky: Drawing her to the Height of her Character. Liberal Arts student, that Mr. Elton.

“You’ve Drawn Her Too Tall”

Lauren: Haha! Indeed…he really is insufferable. Emma, stop meddling! Oof.
Becky: How things might’ve changed if She’d just let Harriet marry Robert Martin.
Lauren: Right?! But then we may have never gotten the ‘Rode Thru The Rain’ speech
Becky: True. *swoon* Oof. Harriet, stop fishing for an approved answer!
Lauren: YES!!! Go with your heart, girlfriend! I love this scene!
Becky: I think Mr. Elton was talking up the accomplishments of Miss Woodhouse, and what a fine painter she is.
Lauren: Oh absolutely.
Becky: Emma and Knightley, rocking archery since 1815.

Source

Lauren: Well, Knightley at least… And Emma until she almost hits his dog…
Becky: She WROTE Harriet’s answer! You scold her! Make her a better character, Knightley!
Lauren: Indeed! (Then she finds out what Harriet’s true parentage is)
Becky: “Vanity working on a weak mind…” brilliant quote.
Lauren: Try not to kill my dogs! Haha!
Becky: He smiles at her when she accidentally aims at his dogs. Even though he’s annoyed, he loves fighting with her.
Lauren: He thinks she’s adorable. Yeah he does. Because he considers her his equal. And everything he does is to make her better.
Becky: Everything points to Elton being in love with her. I really hope I’m not that obtuse, but I know I am.
Lauren: And again we say: DOOMED TO BLINDNESS
Becky: I facepalm through a LOT of Emma’s behavior early in this movie. And then Harriet’s an airhead.

reason-5-emma-mr-k
Lauren: ‘You’ve finally found someone even more Clueless than you to worship you.’
Becky: Such a fitting quote. I’ve never been that excited about a vegetable. Celery root…
Lauren: HAHA! Right?! If you’re going to get excited about a veggie, at least get excited about something like turnips or eggplant
Becky: I think John and Isabella Knightley had about five kids, two of which were named after Mr. (George) Knightley and Emma. Cuteness!
Lauren: Jeremy Northam’s cuter than a monkey with a puppy… Adorable!
Becky: How’d they get Mr. Woodhouse out of the house in snow? Isn’t he worried about catching cold?
Lauren: You’d think! She’s like SHUT UP ELTON
Becky: I’m trying to gossip, dude!
Lauren: I mean like, duh!
Becky: It seems like Mr. Weston always has young ladies around him. Or maybe I’m just thinking of this scene…
Lauren: I never noticed that before, but I can understand that. They always seem to have the most glorious feasts.
Becky: At least Emma gets an Elton Reprieve during dinner. But POST dinner, he wheedles himself between Knightley and Emma. Knightley has the best expressions here. He smiles at Emma, but has an agreeable face with KNightley!
Lauren: He totally does! He’s trying so hard not to laugh

An adoring gaze and a teasing gaze. Oh, boys…

Becky: Or, Elton, rather. LOL Moment of hard truth coming up here…
Lauren: So FORWARD! *groans*
Becky: AWKWARD!
Lauren: Headbutt him, girlfriend. No means NO
Becky: How epic would that be? It’d be like that Jane Austen Fight Club from YouTube!
Lauren: SO EPIC. ‘You are a snob and a half’
Becky: Ugh. “Everybody has their level.” The way he say that. Such a smarmy bastard! Great minds, twinny…
Lauren: Indeed
Becky: And the rest of the carriage ride was the most awkward think in the world.
Lauren: Oh yeah.
Becky: Mrs. Weston has such great sense. I’d love her for an aunt.
Lauren: Yeah she does. She’s very practical and very down-to-earth. PUPPIES!!!!!!!

Puppies can’t help but lift the spirits.

Becky: I don’t think Tai felt the same about it as Harriet. Harriet was sad, and went through her own version of mourning, but I kind of wonder if Tai didn’t blame Cher until she got back with Travis.
So cute! I want one!
Lauren: Yeah such a good point. I never thought of it like it before. I want one too!!
Becky: I always found it sad that Emma never befriended Jane Fairfax. They could’ve been good friends. Did she hate her just because she was related to Miss Bates?
Lauren: Emma was jealous of her though.
Becky: Totally was. She was much more accomplished, and not nearly as wealthy.
Lauren: I think she saw her as a rival before they met.
Becky: They’ve actually known each other all their lives, in the book, at least.
Lauren: Ah!
Becky: And according to Wikipedia, Mrs. Elton’s obsession with Jane Fairfax is supposed to mimic Emma’s obsession with Harriet.
Lauren: I can see that.
Becky: That never occurred to me, and when I read it, it opened doors.
Lauren: And Knightley nails it…’she takes attention away from you’
Becky: *nods* Smart smart man, that Knightley.
Lauren: That he is…
Becky: Harriet would’ve been better off to spend more of her time with Elizabeth Martin instead of Emma.
Lauren: Oh without a doubt.
Becky: I love Robert Martin and Harriet. He uses his hat as an umbrella for her! Chivalry was quite alive and well in 1815.
Lauren: Oh yes it was! I miss those days. Hehe…
Becky: In your previous life? lol
Lauren: Yes. Haha! Here comes Frank!

Guy rides in on a white horse. Seriously.

Becky: Darker forces. I love that.
Lauren: You’ll just have to live here then.
Becky: He’s such a smart ass.
Lauren: Just typing that!!!!! I love our mojo!
Becky: Me too! Jane is such a saint to forgive him for all the crap he puts her through.
Lauren: Yeah she is! It’s been so long since I’ve seen this, but did Frank send Jane the pianoforte?
Becky: Yeah. Plying her for her silence, I’m guessing.
Lauren: I should have remembered that.
Becky: Frank is an evil man. But he’s charming, unlike Mr. Elton, so we can easily forgive him.
Lauren: Indeed. He’s a charming wanktard.
Becky: Mrs. Weston hit it on the nose, but with the wrong couple. They keep apart to keep up appearances.
Lauren: Yep indeed.
Becky: Emma’s okay, but she really shines when Frank sings over her. And Mr. Knightley scowls. Mwah ha ha!

Wish I lived in the days of musical duets for evening entertainment.

Lauren: Yeah seriously! He’s a very sad panda.
Becky: He’s sitting there pouting now. LMAO
Lauren: Hehehehe!!!
Becky: I like Jane’s dress.
Lauren: And now Emma’s pouting.
Becky: And Knightley is smiling. Wickedly. Dang, he’s adorable!

So cute.

Lauren: Yep. He really is.
Becky: This isn’t the best song for Ewan MacGregor. He sounds like a cat.
Lauren: His hair is so goofy in this movie.
Becky: Very foppish
Lauren: Great word!
Becky: Oh, Lord. Augusta Elton. Most annoying woman in ALL of Austen.

Totally deserve each other.

Lauren: Oh Mrs. Elton. Those two deserve each other. Yeah she’s ridiculous.
Becky: They totally do. She and Emma make each other twitchy.
Lauren: Oh absolutely!
Becky: She’s such a know-it-all. She’s almost as insufferable as Lydia Bennett. Actually, she’s Lydia, ten years older.
Lauren: I love Emma’s dress. She TOTALLY IS!
Becky: If each town had more than one church, you KNOW Emma would’ve switched. This chapter could be called the day of awkward silences.
Lauren: HAHA. I just want to kind of punch her in the face.
Becky: Knightley? The way Emma says it. Lord…
Lauren: I know right? Charity work in a mental infirmary.
Becky: I wonder if she’s not being a little hard, but she’s basically the mirror image of Emma.
Lauren: Such a great burn

Becky: With Mrs. Weston and Emma planning Knightley’s future, I have this Dr. Horrible mash up of him going, “Look at my wrist! It’s time to go!”
Lauren: Haha! I wish there was a meme of that.

mrknightley1996c
Becky: The Ball! I love the ball!
Lauren: Do you think Mrs. Weston knows how Knightley feels about Emma?
Becky: No. She wants Emma to be with Frank, so she’s probably purposely not looking for it. Thankfully, Emma’s not as condescending to Harriet as Mrs. Elton is to Jane. She was slapping her hand like a child!
Lauren: Exactly!!! So presumptuous!
Becky: Emma! Not Harriet and Frank! Back off!
Lauren: And again, *facepalm*
Becky: I love the cinematography of this scene. Knightley just wants to be where it’s cozy, and his massive house is behind them. LOL

Emma

Lauren: Right?! I was just thinking that
Becky: Nope. Mr. Weston is surrounded by young ladies again.
Lauren: Totally!!
Becky: And everyone disperses before the Eltons arrive. LOL
Lauren: This scene is totally one of my very favorites in the whole movie. Knightley.
Becky: Hate Elton. And his smarmy face.
Lauren: Indeed. Douchenoodle.
Becky: Totally. In the big Ball scene in the 95 P&P, they had to pour Coke on the floor because the floor was too slippery, and everyone kept skidding. Knightley has such a good heart.
Lauren: Haha! I never knew that. He does. He’s a true gentleman
Becky: 2nd Best part.
Lauren: Yes!!! This whole part!
Becky: Do you remember being 22? I was an idiot. How about you?
Lauren: Cue the Taylor Swift song! And yes I totally was.
Becky: He’s so hopeful! So cute!
Lauren: Indeed we are not!
Becky: LOL I want to learn these dances.
Lauren: Me TOO!
Becky: Now Harriet’s dancing with Frank. Knightley set the stage for the rest of the night. Trendsetter.
Lauren: He totally did renaissance man!

Oh that we still had classy dances.

Becky: I’m no judge of history, but I always thought the gypsy scene was a little contrived. Did gypsies really maul people like that?
Lauren: I always did too
Becky: I mean, with Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on TLC, I can see it, but all through history?
Lauren: Yeah I think it was slightly ridiculous…
Becky: Strawberry Picking!

Lauren: Oh this part always makes me cringe.
Becky: Emma is horrible, and Knightley calls her out. Frank brings out the worst in her, whereas Knightley brings out the best. Did Jane ASK to be “Protected”? Ugh! Back off, Augusta!
Lauren: Yep exactly. And I’m very glad he does. Knightley, that is. And yes, Augusta is an idiot.
Becky: She totally gave Emma the stink eye.
Lauren: Good Lord
Becky: Heartbreak now. Poor Miss Bates.
Lauren: So mean! I want to give her a hug.
Becky: Me too! And Knightley to the Rescue!
Lauren: Indeed!! He’s the best!

Badly done, Emma! Badly done! *wibble*

Becky: There it is. Knife…heart…twist…
Lauren: Yep!!! And she so needed to hear it.
Becky: More people need to be brave enough to put others in their place so they can learn to treat people well, no matter who they are.
Lauren: Absolutely agree.
Becky: Miss Bates knew her place, and Emma made her sink even lower. Need to bring people up.
Lauren: He hit the nail on the head when he told her that people looked to her as to act. She abused that power.
Becky: Totally did. I love how wise he is. And he does it because he loves her, and wants her to be the best Emma she could possibly be.
Lauren: Exactly.
Becky: In these movies, when the truth comes out (Like Frank and Jane’s Engagement), it always seems like a big surprise, but then when you go back, it’s always there, and so obvious early on. Like Knightley’s dreamy looks and glances toward Emma. “He is benefitting from a very lucky coincidence!” I love that. lol

 

No, really. Not in love with Frank. Lucky for him.

Laure: Oh yeah absolutely! You can tell how smitten he is and how well he thinks of her. I love that line too. And here it comes. Realization time…
Becky: She’s a virgin who can’t drive.

Image

Lauren: HAHA! Way harsh. I love him so dearly, so greatly.
Becky: I hate to say this, considering how we both feel about Gwyneth Paltrow, but I don’t see Gwyneth. I see all Emma.
Lauren: She is actually is pretty decent in this movie.
Becky: I think I’d just want to smack her in real life. She’s not a bad actress.
Lauren: Yeah. Absolutely. She just seems so pretentious
Becky: “I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.” If only more people acted that way.
Lauren: Right?! Love makes fools of us all. SPEECH IS COMING UP!
Becky: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lauren: I rode through the rain…I’d ride through worse if I could just hear your voice telling me I’d have some chance to win you.
Becky: *Swoon*.

” I rode through the rain! I’d – I’d ride through worse than that if I could just hear your voice telling me that I might, at least, have some chance to win you.” *Swoon*

Lauren: I just love it so much!
Becky: Nice segue, Emma.
Lauren: Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! Just stop talking, Emma!!!!
Becky: His brokenhearted face!
Lauren: Right?! I just want to hug him!!!!
Becky: Here it comes… Damn, he’s cute!
Lauren: Oh I know. He’s so damn cute. The FEELS!!!!!
Becky: *fans self while weeping*
Lauren: ^THIS.
Becky: Rachel Portman rocked this score out. So gorgeous.
Lauren: Yeah she did!!! MY Mr. Knightley
Becky: Poor Harriet. She got so screwed in this movie.
Lauren: Yeah she did.
Becky: At least she finally got some sense, and married Robert Martin. I hope she never felt like she was settling.I mean, she loved him all along, but she changes her mind so easily.
Lauren: I think that she really cared about Robert. I think they were happy together. Yeah she did.
Becky: Me too
Lauren: She’s very mercurial
Becky: Good word for it. I’ve seen Emma’s wedding dress up close.

And they all lived Happily Ever After

Lauren: However it’s sad that they were never quite as close after that…I bet it was stunning to see
Becky: Emma and Harriet? They were probably too busy being wives. It was. My mom was stunned I knew what I was looking at without the Page thing at the museum.
Lauren: And they didn’t run in the same social classes…
Becky: True. But being good friends, and their husbands were good friends, I’m sure they could have.
Lauren: That’s a good point. Such a good movie! Glad we chose this as our second one
Becky: Me too! Especially as it’s so close to Clueless.

Thanks for watching with us! Before we bid you good night, check out the fail that is the trailer. Mr. Knightley’s first name is George, his younger brother is John.

(We’re Not So) Clueless!

The Clueless Three

Lauren: i totally still have this soundtrack somewhere.
1995 represent
Becky: Who didn’t want her life?
Lauren: seriously!
Becky: We’re the kids in America!
Lauren: loved her closet program. i wish that actually existed
Becky: She had a touch screen before Apple made it popular and user-friendly!
Lauren: right?! ahead of it’s time.
Becky: That car is almost 20 years old. Feeling old yet?


Lauren: SO OLD. di’s wearing a lampshade.

Dr. Seuss

Becky: I am thankful that boys are cleaner and dressier than they used to be. I thank Matt Smith for that one. Bow ties are cool!

Boys…Go fig.

Lauren: YES.

We miss you, Matt Smith!

Becky: Hatians…LOL

Haitians…lol

Lauren: alicia silverstone actually didn’t know how to pronounce that, but amy heckerling thought it was so funny that she left it in.
Becky: How long has class been in session, and Mr. Hall’s asking about Christian? Seriously?
Lauren: haha! right? hot young paul rudd alert, this movie was when my long love of him started.
he’s such a baldwin…

Cuter than a Monkey with a Puppy

Becky: Does anyone know what Contempo Casual IS anymore?
Lauren: haha i do, but that’s because we grew up in the 90’s
Becky: Oh, Blossom hats…
411 on Mr. Hall…Sad, sad man.
Lauren: ooh snickers.
Becky: Cher is pretty self-involved if she thinks SHE’S the only one who can help Miss Geist.

The truth hurts Cher…

Lauren: yeah. that’s pretty much the point. josh helps her get better though
Becky: That’s what we call character growth!
Lauren: i remember not liking the character of emma when i first read that book or watched the movie.
Becky: That was the point. Jane Austen didn’t want to write a “Likeable” heroine. I wrote a college paper on it when I got to read Emma for class. Five years at a Women’s College, and I only got to study Jane Austen once!
Lauren: see that’s crazy to me. hey james bond, in america we drive on the right side of the road
Becky: You try driving in platforms! Break for those animals, Cher!

That’d be reason enough for me…

Lauren: i wonder if marky mark could get the funky bunch to help with that tree planting.
Becky: It’d be too much of a party for a baby tree…
Lauren: it’s sad that i haven’t seen this movie in ages and i can still quote it almost word for word
Becky: There are so many nose jobs in this movie.
Lauren: my plastic surgeon doesn’t want me involved in any activities where balls fly at my nose.
Becky: There goes your social life…
Lauren: haha! great comeback

Tennis Practice

Becky: Elton is a creeper. All over her throughout this movie.
Lauren: seriously! i don’t know how she didn’t figure that out sooner.
Becky: She’s a dummy? She even says so almost all the way to the end.
Lauren: she’s smart in some ways, but totally dumb in others.
Becky: So cute that Di thinks she’s talking about TEA when Tai mentions “Herbal Refreshment.”
Lauren: haha right? not exactly the herbal refreshment tai had in mind.
Becky: Project!
Lauren: marvin the martian. they really are adorable together


Becky: They are. And they’re holding up the lunch line.
Lauren: they totally are! people are like: go talk somewhere else, i want my rubber hot dogs and congealed mac and cheese

Match made in Malibu

Becky: Cher acts so hoity toity when talking about drugs. She’s a WHOLE MONTH older than Tai. lol
Lauren: GOD he’s so dreamy
Becky: Are we going to dedicate an entire month to Paul Rudd?
Lauren: oh my gosh we totally should
Becky: When’s his birthday? LOL
Lauren: hold up, imdbing that shit.
*Editor’s Note: His birthday was in Early April. Maybe next year!

Really? REALLY?!

Becky: I love how he doesn’t clean up his snack. So rude. Lucy probably would spit in his dinner if she wasn’t so scared of Cher’s dad.
Lauren: yeah this is true
Beck: really love how close this actually is to Emma.
Lauren: it’s just such a great movie
Becky: I love that red dress.
Lauren: i love cher’s dress.
Editor’s Note: We LITERALLY sent these at the same time!
Becky: Fashionable even today.
Lauren: YES. do you prefer fashion victim or ensemblely challenged?
Becky: Elton is such a lame dancer. You KNOW he invented the “Shopping Cart.”
Lauren: he totally did. i’m calling your mother!


Becky: That’s too much drama for me. Save the drama for your llama.
Lauren: i love the people dancing with the snowmen in the background
Becky: I never went to a party like that. The closest thing was that Black and White party in college, and you KNOW how much fun we had once we left that one!
Lauren: haha…let’s go to gumby’s. this beer pong is not fun!
Becky: Basically. Beer Pong is fleeting, but Gumby’s Pizza is Forever.

Clay Fusions were amazing!

Best place for Pizza Cravings.

Lauren: YES.
Becky: Hate playing this card, but Cher was TOTALLY leading Elton on.
Lauren: yeah i can see that
Becky: Like Emma did to Mr. Elton.
Lauren: i think the problem was is that she was  one of those girls that is naturally flirty with her guy friends. i can see where she led him on, but i don’t think that she meant to, she just didn’t know fully what she was doing. *cringes* oh man.
Becky: Bad singer!


Lauren: he suddenly became an octopus! sprouted about six more arms! oh old fashioned cell phones. i remember those actually lol and when beepers were the big thing. NOW i feel old.
oh man. the hamlet comment is coming up. so excited!
Becky: I miss having smarty-pants conversations about shakespeare.
Lauren: haha! she totally schooled that girl! i think he liked her before that honestly

Schooled.

Becky: I wonder if Josh was starting to realize with that Mel Gibson comment that Cher could really be someone he could love. lol
Lauren: that’s why he kept coming to town…
Becky: I wonder if he liked her, but didn’t realize it until Christian came to town. Until then, he knew Cher didn’t date high school boys, so no competition.
Lauren: hmmm good point.
Becky: Smarty pants conversations about sassy teen movies.
Lauren: oh christian. boy knows how to dress.
Becky: There’s a reason for that.
Lauren: i know. and that’s why i feel like cher maybe should’ve had suspicions before that.
Becky: Apparently not as worldly as she thinks she is.
Lauren: yeah…i love that car. do you like billie holiday? i love him.


Becky: Even Papa Horowitz can see Josh loves Cher. That’s just cute. Don’t you just miss Ska? LOL
Lauren: i did an entire presentation on ska in high school . complete with ska mix…
Becky: NIce
Lauren: mighty mighty bostones were totally on there. as was most of the 10 Things I Hate about You soundtrack
Lauren: dance break!
Becky: Even JOSH can see that Christian is gay!
Lauren: Everyone sees it except for Cher. She’s got her crush goggles on.

Date Night!

Becky: She didn’t turn off the oven when her cookie dough burned!
Lauren: oh no! i didn’t notice that! christian had a thing for tony curtis lol
Becky: Some like it Hot and “Sparaticus.”
Lauren: haha! question do you think that josh had a legitimate crush on tai or that he was just flirting to make cher jealous or because he didn’t think he had a chance with cher?
Becky: I think he was just being nice, honestly.I think Tai thinking that he’s touching and tickling her didn’t happen as much as she thought.
Lauren: yeah i totally see that.
yeah. girls tend to over analyze stuff like that.
Becky: As you can tell from the stuff she wanted to burn, she tends to hang onto things, and make them bigger than they are.
Lauren: good point. and the fact that she’s bringing up josh stuff when cher’s obviously upset…
Becky: Yep.
Lauren: i love the homage to gigi when the fountain goes off


Becky: The Gigi moment. Adorbs.
Lauren: good gracious josh is adorable.
Becky: Travis could make a bong out of anything.
Lauren: awww josh.


Becky: It’s no “I rode through the rain…” speech, but what is?

You’re beautiful!

Lauren: yeah seriously. josh is adorable in his own way though.
Becky: I love that Miss Geist and Mr. Hall got married at Cher’s house. Or maybe it just LOOKS like Cher’s house?
Lauren: i never thought about that, but it totally does look like cher’s house.
Becky: This movie makes me happy. It’s just cute and colorful.

And they all lived Happily Ever After!

Lauren: *sigh* great choice for our inaugural post
Becky: Agreed.