What’s Your Damage?: Greetings from The B*tch Squad

We had the fun idea to do a Mean Girls Three-ture Feature. Join us for day one, where we discuss the ultimate 80’s Mean Girls: Heathers!

**Disclaimer** There might be offensive language.

Lauren: Go! And we have the original Mean Girls…

Becky: Mean Girls is like a G-Rated version of this movie. Red scrunchie.

Lauren: I love Que Sera Sera

Becky: I miss scrunchies.

Lauren: Me too! Though they are making a comeback. Ah the croquet scene

Becky: They didn’t break as much as rubber bands do!

Lauren: Lol True!

Becky: I always think of these three as weird for wearing suits and blazers. I mean it was the 80’s, but still.

Lauren: I like the girl in yellow’s outfit

Becky: Yeah. That’s timeless. The other two, not so much.

Lauren: Lol seriously. What is your damage, Heather?

Becky: Those are some massive shoulder pads.

Lauren: Just what I was thinking lol She looks like a linebacker

Becky: Poor Martha.

Lauren: Right? How does which Heather know who’s being addressed?

Becky: It’s a gift.

Lauren: Lol

Becky: I seriously want to match the Heathers to the Plastics.

Lauren: We should. Young Christian Slater is cute. Crazy. But cute.

Becky: Obviously Veronica is Cady, and Heather Chandler (Red) is Regina. I think Shannon Doherty is Gretchen Weiners, and the other is Karen.

Lauren: I miss Peak Winona Ryder. Yep. Agreed. Love that insult!!!!! F*** me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Chain Saw

Becky: I don’t think I could be that arrogant. It’s almost painful to see how out of touch she is.

Lauren: Ugh. Why is Veronica friends with them?

Becky: There’s a musical version, and the first song, “Beautiful,” describes that she just wanted to be off everyone else’s radar. They took her on because of her handwriting gift, and because she has a very symmetrical face.

Lauren: I need to listen to that.

Becky: Poor Martha.

Lauren: Aw poor girl, indeed. Ah, but you never had a heart, Heather.

Becky: I think I might’ve had a shirt or something like Veronica’s blazer. Christian Slater was kind of cute back in the day.

Lauren: I kind of like it

Becky: I was agreeing with you. Late.

Lauren: Indeed

Becky: The jock on the left was such a sweetie on Little House on the Prairie.

Patrick Labyorteaux Little House on the Prairie

Lauren: Dear Lord!!! I forgot about that scene! Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? And Heather Chandler is way worse than Regina George.

Becky: Oooooooooh. She makes Regina George look like Mother Theresa!

Lauren: Seriously!!! (Nice tie-in )

Becky: *bows*

Lauren: I love that they all have their own colors. Are those her parents? Veronica’s?

Becky: I think they must be.

Lauren: Okay cool

Becky: I’d totally wear Veronica’s party dress.

Lauren: Me too! It’s very cute.

Becky: JD reminds me of someone. No idea who.

Lauren: He reminds me a tiny bit of a young Jack Nicholson.

Becky: I think that’s it. Too bad his career didn’t pan out like Jack’s.

Lauren: Yeah. I actually like Heather’s dress too.

Becky: She’s wearing a monocle! It is pretty.

Lauren: Haha! She is!

Becky: Veronica was US at parties. lol

Lauren: Lol seriously!!

Becky: Alcohol! Flammable!

Lauren: Uh oh. This will not end well. Eew. What is his PROBLEM? Perv.

Becky: He’s a crummy college guy. And he DOESN’T deserve her effing speech!

Lauren: Indeed!

Becky: She got her into a Remington party, but it didn’t look fun, at all.

Lauren: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. Right? Damn, knock much, dude?

Becky: He knocked something.

Lauren: *purrs*

Becky: Those two practically glow in the dark.

Lauren: Totally! Ah the life of a pale person.

Becky: lol It’s the reason she got cast as Lydia in Beetlejuice.

Lauren: Indeed I love her as Lydia.

Becky: “Stuff will kill her.” He looks at her like, “Duh.”

Lauren: Lol “that’s what you wanted, Veronica…” Whoops.

Becky: And there Veronica goes… And she drinks it because he calls her Chicken.

Lauren: Yep. Hubris was her downfall. And corn nuts were her last words.

Becky: She and we have very different ideas of what a Best Friend is, don’t you think?

Lauren: Frenemies before the word was coined. And yes, indeed.

Becky: Yep.

Lauren: Thank GOD.

Becky: She has Cliffs Notes of The Bell Jar. Hmm.

Lauren: Yep…

Becky: Do you think JD knew about “Myriad,” and started planning Heather’s Downfall long before this? It’s a conspiracy theory, but it’s a theory.

Lauren: Very good point. Lol their mascot is the Rottweiler.

Becky: Oh, Swatches.

Lauren: Heather (Shannon Dohetry’s) outfit is cute. So is Veronica’s.

Becky: I think this teacher is on the right track, but she’s just such a space cadet. How did she get that note?

Lauren : Yeah…oh boy. ️I don’t know. Creepy.

Becky: People always start talking well of people when they die.

Lauren: Yep. Because it would be inappropriate if they did, I guess. Effed up family there.

Becky: JD and his dad?

Lauren: Yeah.

Becky: He was on Beetlejuice!!!!

Lauren: Love that they used red not only because it’s a power color, but also because it can be associated with the Devil(which Heather Chandler was). And yep he was. I wanna watch Beetlejuice now.

Becky: OMG. Super insightful! She was totally the devil.

Lauren: And Shannon Dohrety was in green which is associated with jealousy

Becky: What’s yellow associated with?

Lauren: Just thinking about that. Not sure. But Veronica’s always kind of in unique clothes because she doesn’t quite fit in.

Becky: Yeah. Yellow Heather is the tolerable one.

Lauren: Oh tipping cows. Yeah. She really is the Karen.

Becky: They are really going at it in a field. I hope she wasn’t fond of that outfit.

Lauren: Lol right? Did he kill people in other states too?

Becky: I’m guessing he did.

Lauren: Yeah…wouldn’t be surprised.

Becky: Maybe THAT’S why they move so often!

Lauren: Hmmmm…Wow.

Becky: Ah, high school gossip. I don’t miss it.

Lauren: Seriously. Those jerks.

Becky: “Ich Lüge” bullets, huh?

Lauren: Liar!

Becky: And she’s falling for it!

Lauren: She’s hearing what she wants to hear.

Becky: She totally is. She’s such an idiot.

Lauren: Yeah.

Becky: It’s sad what they’re there to do (The Jocks).

Lauren: Yeah seriously. Damn. He’s crazy as hell.

Becky: And then it turns terrifying. It’s like those girls who lured their classmate to the woods so the Slim Man wouldn’t hurt their families.

Lauren: Seriously. I never really found this movie all that funny. I know it’s a supposed to be a dark comedy, but dear lord. Another good one to watch would be Jawbreaker.

Becky: It has its moments early on , but it definitely turns dark, fast.

Lauren: That’s a crazy movie!

Becky: Is that one on Netflix? I don’t own it, but I love it.

Lauren: Yeah agreed!! I don’t think it is, and I do too.

Becky: He was right about the mineral water and Small Town Ohio.

Lauren: Run away, Veronica.

Becky: Did he just light his cigarette on her HAND?!

Lauren: What the HELL?

Becky: I think these funerals are even sadder because they’re not what they seem. Did you see the little sister?

Lauren: Ha! Her drawer pulls are awesome. And yeah, I agree. Do you think JD latches on to an impressionable girl in each school that he goes to and manipulates her to his whims?

Becky: Green Heather is in Yellow? The world has turned topsy. And I think he totally does.

Lauren: Right?

Becky: I wonder if he waits for them to commit suicide.

Lauren: The girls he manipulates?

Becky: Yeah.

Lauren: Hmm…not sure. Maybe? Oh maybe he just convinced them to?

Becky: Probably. They probably felt like hell afterward.

Lauren: Yeah. Quite right to.

Becky: “Do you like your father?” “I’ve never given the matter much thought.” Wow…. You go, Girl!

Lauren: Yes!! Oh dear. He’s insane.

Becky: Heather and Martha used to be friends. It’s amazing what junior high and high school cliques do to people.

Lauren: Right? He needs to find a new hobby.

Becky: It just occurred to me that Green Heather and one of the jocks (the first one killed) were BOTH on Little House on the Prairie. And this IS his hobby.

Lauren: Betty and Veronica lol

Becky: People are so hung up on virginity in teen movies. Get over it. It’s no one’s business but your own, and you deserve to wait for someone who loves you. *gets off soap box*

Lauren: Agreed. And now Green Heather is wearing red.

Becky: She’s the new Devil.

Lauren: Indeed! Oh no. This is the part I always stopped watching at before.

Becky: Keep going. You can make it through! I love her mother. Heather is so cold. People don’t listen to the radio for fun anymore.

Lauren: And the takeover is complete.

Becky: I think she’s out-heathering Heather.

Lauren: I love Heather’s outfit though. And yes, she is.

Becky: There is WAY too much attitude in this movie.

Lauren: He’s like a fungus. You can’t cut it out.

Becky: Plus, he’s always all over her.

Lauren: He’s like Overly Attached Boyfriend. What. The. Hell? Is that supposed to be her?

Becky: Messed. In. The. Head.

Lauren: Holy. Shit.

Becky: You say potato, I say vodka.

Lauren: Lol right?

Becky: Because this movie couldn’t get darker.

Lauren: Why is she with him to do this?! Leave!!!! Call the police!!!!!

Becky: I think there’s a lot more interest in forensics of suicides now.

Lauren: Oh my GOD. This isn’t going to stop until he gets in to prison or gets killed. And yeah. You’re right.

Becky: That’s a lot of 3D glasses.

Lauren: Right? Oh did he not go into her room?

Becky: It was all a dream!

Lauren: I know.

Becky: lol. It’s probably good that our movies get lighter as the weekend will go on.

Lauren: Is she really dead? And yes. What is his damage?!

Becky: I miss watching movies with you.

Lauren: Me too.

Becky: Watch….

Lauren: Dear Lord. This is the darkest movie ever.

Becky: I’m sorry. That was kind of funny. “Why so tense?”

Lauren: Lol It kind was. Harold and Maude is one of my favorite movies. That movie is also dark and filled with fake suicide attempts.

Becky: I’ve only seen it once. Wasn’t crazy about it. I’d watch it again for you, though. This guy is the reason that metal detectors were invented.

Lauren: We should watch that one together. It’s very, very dark and weird. But it’s also very funny. A true dark comedy. And yeah. Seriously! Girl, arm yourself before you go after him! At least with a shoe or a book or something. Pep rally. Holy heck.

Becky: I don’t miss pep rallies.

Lauren: Where did she get that gun? And me neither. Too much pep. Crap on a spatula.

Becky: If I had to choose between a pep rally and algebra, algebra would win out every time. Not just because I liked Math for one year of high school.

Lauren: Lol I hated math, so pep rally would win, but it would be a close call. The only good thing was that it got me out of class.

Becky: Too many people. So NOW she’s armed.

Lauren: Does that girl not see the dynamite where she’s smoking?!

Becky: Nope.

Lauren: Common sense is NOT so common.

Becky: Too baked.

Lauren: I guess so.

Becky: I’m trying to figure out if he’s into her, or he wants to kill her.

Lauren: Both? Was Yellow Heather wearing glasses and sitting with Betty?

Becky: It must be a pre-Christian Grey thing. I think so.

Lauren: Yeah. I guess so. Did he kill Green Heather? I know it was a dream, but did he do it regardless?

Becky: No. She was sitting on the bleachers.

Lauren: Ah okay. Wow. That escalated quickly.

Becky: Yes. Yes, it did.

Lauren: Lol

Becky: And the school was none the wiser.

Lauren: What!!!!!!!! Motherf*er!!! Son of biscuit!

Becky: Gotta say, I’m LOVING your reaction to this. LOL

Lauren: Lol. Eeeeeeeeepppppp. Holy. Crap.

Becky: Full marks for tension effort, right?

Lauren: Pretty much. Just froze again

Becky: Her date for the prom FLAMED out on her.

Lauren: Ugh. Haha yay it’s back. And yay for benevolent leadership

Becky: Intense, huh? You made it through!

(Basically Lauren after watching Heathers for the first time)

Lauren: Uh huh. Lol I have you to thank for that.

Becky: You feeling okay? lol

Lauren: And I’m glad that I finally watched it all the way through, but I’m not sure I’d watch it again.

Becky: I’ve watched it twice now. It gets really intense there in the middle.

Lauren: Lol yeah I’m fine

Becky: But, now you don’t HAVE to watch it again. lol

Lauren: It really does!!

Becky: I actually kind of like this movie because it is so intense.



  1. Pingback: What’s Your Damage?: Greetings from The B*tch Squad | Riffs From The Dork Side

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